THE LIST

Sometime in late 2014, about 6 months after my husband died, I compiled a list titled simply: THINGS THAT SCARE ME

It wasn't meant to be a complete list of things I fear. It was intended to be, more accurately, a list of THINGS I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT FEAR STOPPED ME.

It wasn't a list, for example, of things like "bungee jumping" or "sitting in a vat of spiders," because even though those things scare me, I had no desire to do them. Some of the things on my list were just nudges out of my comfort zone. Some of them were big. Some of them were small. Some of them probably wouldn't seem scary to other people at all. But to me, the list stated clearly the things I'd like to do, but something had always held me back. That something was fear.

Some of the things on my list I did quietly, crossing them off on a typed list I had saved on my iPhone. Some of the things on my list I did with gusto, sharing them with others if the circumstances felt right.

I don't call this list terrifying. I call it Day to Day Bravery.


Apply to a job somewhere else
Ask for a raise
Call a realtor
Drive across country
Drive somewhere new without directions
Drive to CT in the dark
Eat at a restaurant alone
Enter a contest
Fly somewhere alone
Get a Brazilian wax
Get my belly button pierced
Give birth
Go far out into the ocean
Go skinny dipping
Go somewhere alone in the middle of the night
Go somewhere without my phone
Go through all the papers from after Rick’s death
Go to a meetup group for writing
Go to a rap concert
Go to a yoga class alone
Go to church alone
Go to NYC alone
Go to work without makeup
Go topless on a beach (legally)
Go up in a hot air balloon
Go zip lining
Have a dinner party
Have dinner with a homeless person
Host Thanksgiving dinner
Jump off a cliff into water
Let a spider live instead of killing it
Make a really hard recipe
Publish a book
Purchase something at an adult store alone
Put a creative notice/ad in the paper
Put my house on the market
Quit my job
Read my poetry at an open mic night
Run a 10K
Run a 5K
Run a Half Marathon
See a medium
See a psychic
Sell my house
Sing Karaoke
Spend time in the basement
Start a private practice
Swim with underwater animals
Throw a dart on a map and go there
Try on something really expensive
Volunteer in India
Watch a horror movie
Watch the sunrise outside alone somewhere other than home
Wear a really sexy outfit
Write to a famous person


Sometimes I add to my list. Sometimes I actually remove items, not because I've accomplished them, but because they no longer scare me. The braver I am, the braver I become.

This blog begins with a list. The List. But every post won't pertain to a crossed-off item. Each item already crossed off has a pretty good story to go along with it. Some I can tell and some I can't! I'd like to go back and tell here the stories of many of the items I've been able to cross off. I'd also like to tell the day to day stories of what I continue to conquer. But this blog is not about fear alone. It's about happiness...about living life to the fullest...about firsts (like my first baseball game ever, which was never a fear). So these are my adventures uncensored...

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