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Grief as a Phoenix

What a week it's been. There are moments I don’t want to get out of my car when I reach my destination, just because I want to keep listening to the music that is attempting to fill me up with some kind of peace, just because I want to keep holding that sacred space for the pain I am feeling, just because I want to stay suspended in a moment where I don’t have to be or do something for someone else.

I want to tug on my running shoes and hit the road, let my breath go in and out, and surrender to the elements as my body pounds the ground. I want to pick up my pen and scratch the pages around me until all the words that are in my soul are out there. I want to hear that familiar click clack click clack of my fingertips on the keyboard of my computer as I furiously write the story of my heart. I want to scream.

I remember after my second miscarriage, driving down Race Street in Catasauqua, cars behind me, ahead of me, passing me...I turned down the radio and screamed as loudly as I co…

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